Z is coming close to the end of his chemo treatment.  Aug 28th is the day I think, it was awhile ago the Dr told me so I may be off a bit, but end of August for sure.  That may still seem long off to some but in a three and half year treatment protocol, this is pretty close to the end.  For the longest time I didn't even think about "how much longer" because it was so far off, but once the calendar flipped to 2011, I unfortunately have been thinking more about this end date, the light at the end of the tunnel.

"Unfortunately" you ask? 
Why?  Isn't this something to look forward too?  Well yes, it is something to look forward too, but it can become obsessive too.  You know the count down, imagining not having to remember oral chemo meds to give, getting Rx filled, Dr appointments, health, low counts and chicken pox.  I have been so caught up on thinking about when this is all done that I started to get upset and annoyed that I still have too right now.  Last Saturday I was thinking about how I am just sick and tired of having to always think and remember what meds Z needs and also sick and tired of how grumpy he can be because of some of these meds.  So what should happen to a mom already really feeling annoyed and bothered by chemo
life.... a fever.  Z started running a fever and had to go in the hospital to get checked out and was admitted to be put on antibiotics, run tests and monitor.   Great, just great.

We've been through this all before, so nothing new, but it was a good reminder to me to get back to 'one day at time'
thinking and stop focussing on the light at the end of the tunnel and just be in the present.  Guess what... I'm not annoyed anymore... for now at least... I'm only human.

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